What is life for you ! what have you achieved in your life yer , what have you faced in your life , what and where love stand in your life. Can you measure the volume of memories you made till date. Its life, love and memories you live a life you feel loved and created memories sometimes these are at its worse.
I miss you.. This is what I can say. Seeing all the cuts in my wrist, and a sharp knife in my hand, I am counting all the uncountable attempt, all those days I stay awake like this, remembering you, love. You know, your memories always keep on dancing in front of my eyes, all those time where we promised to be each other’s backbone, is killing me inside now. I don’t say I don’t smile babe, I smile when you cross my mind, I smile when I feel you near. It has faded somewhere in your memory now. How can you do this to me?? How did you leave me so easily?? Don’t you ever love me dear?? Don’t my memory hurt you there?? Don’t you miss me, like I miss you every second?? Don’t you feel my love babe?? My every heart beat seek for your presence in my life, don’t you hear my sound huh?? I can’t sleep in night, thinking about you, how can you sleep so peacefully??
Do you worth it?? Sometime I questioned myself do you worth my love?? You left me without even saying a word, do you worth my loudness babe?? Why can’t I just move on?? Why can’t I just get rid of all your hunting memory?? You are far from me, you aren’t coming back, then, why my eyes still seek you?? Why I still feel you near, feel your breath in my face, see you everywhere babe?? Why I miss you this much..
Do you remember it, when we first met, you accidentally hold my hand thinking it to be your friend’s. When you realized and tried to get rid of my hand, I hold you and told you a filmy line ‘when I hold your hand once, I will never leave it till death ‘. I remember how you laughed over my lines, you never took it seriously. You leave me now. See, My hands are empty. I hold you tight but you get rid of mine. Now, at this point, I am broken dear. I am left alone dear, it all seem like a dream to me now..
That day after I reached home I checked you in facebook. A sweet smile, open hair and a perfect sparkling in your face. Your dp looked so innocent, so clear and so loving. I, then sent you a friend request. But you ignored it. I had waited for your approval for a month but in vain, and then I approached your friend for your phone number. You don’t know babe, how long I followed your friend for her friendship. She still remembers it and laughs at me. She thought I was behind her for her, at that time. When I finally asked for your number, she had gave me a fierce look babe, it still gives me goosebumps. You don’t know how hard I tried to convince your friend for your number.
‘Hello, who is this?,’
‘I am your well wisher , your to be friend, your future lover, and your destined husband, who will accompany you to the grave ‘,
Haha.. This is how we started our conversation, and this is how I got my new name ‘stupid’. We used to talk from morning till late night, all those nonsense talks. You used to laugh at all my filmy dialogues. You know, I used to seek all those dialog from google so that I can hear you laugh.. I confess babe, all those jokes, all those poems were copied too. Sorry!! I was just addicted to your laugh, I just wanted to hear you more and more.. And another thing, I used to lie, it was never free call dear, I used to take money for recharge from my mom’s purse everyday, so that I can hear your voice and enjoy your laugh, sorry dear..
You know, I always took an hour to get ready to meet you. I always tried to present myself so well to be in your side babe. Fitness was never my type before, but joined gym so that I could look tough to guard you. Tried my best to make you feel secure and loving. You always used to say, I am the one you waiting for. You always praise me for my doing. We complete each other’s emptiness so well babe. Do you remember how we used to do stupid things. An ice-cream in rain, is my best. You got caught with cold that night, and I was so worried that I filled your messenger with all the ,
‘get well soon’ messages. And, do you miss that time babe, when I got low in my exam paper, and was so depressed about it, you knowingly degrade your grade so that we can cry together. But instead we laughed at our stupidity and you helped me with my study. You know I was so allergic to spice before, but after meeting you, it’s my favorite dish. I needed spice in everything I eat.
‘let’s meet tomorrow, I am free, no college, no work’
‘hurrey, garden of dream then. You promised me to take me there ‘
‘I can’t win you Nakkali!! Done, see you there at 3. I have planed a surprise for you.’
‘Really?? I am curious.. Can’t wait. ‘
‘see you ‘
‘see you, stupid’
I planed so well to propose you after 1 and half year of our friendship. I had bought you rose, your wished teddy and a chocolate. I told my friend to click our pic too. All in your dream Hollywood style proposal. You know I ordered panipuri for you too, to see all those excitement in your eyes. Secretly took it to the venue, garden of dream, where all my dream, to make you mine, was about to be real. I was so happy and nervous.
I was babbling myself, made myself ready, all the script I was going to say to you. I waited you dear, like my name, I stupidly waited for you, it was the hardest wait I ever did.
More about love : read here
But you never showed up. You left me there like a fool. You broke my heart babe.. I waited for you for more than 2 hours there. You just ignored my phone. Then, it’s dead. You broke my heart, you scattered all my hope on you. You crushed me and pissed me off. That day, you didn’t even bother to call me, message me.
With broken heart, I reached home, so drunk and tired. Cried for whole night, how can you do this to me..
I woke up with 59 missed call and 20 messages, next day, but none was from you. First message is from my friend ‘check facebook!! ‘.. When I open my facebook, I remember only one word, ‘RIP’ on your photos..
feature img credit ; psychologytoday